Fracture
by FanofBellaandEdward
Summary: Rin has it all: an amazing boyfriend and the prospect of going to the Olympics. Life can't get better - until he's forced to choose between the two. Birthday fic; Rin's pov; angst; slash; slight canon divergence; implied mature content; hints of homophobia; time skips


**Author's note: This is a birthday fic for Belle A Lestrange. Happy birthday, honey! I had to finish it last night *winces* Still, I hope you'll like it!**

 **This is also my first time writing Free! so I apologise in advance if it isn't that great *winces* Also I don't have any clue how sponsoring works, so please excuse me for the liberties I've taken with it.**

 **Warnings: Rin's pov; implied mature content; angst; a lot of liberties taken with procedures regarding sponsoring and Olympics; canon divergence; time skips; hints of homophobia**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Free! Masahiro Yokotani owns it.**

 **I hope you'll like it!**

* * *

 **Fracture**

"Congratulations, Matsuoka-senpai! You broke your own record with ten seconds!" the brown haired, young man named Ayumu exclaimed excitedly while he was waving the stopwatch around.

Rin smirked and pulled himself up, stepping out of the cool water. "Thanks, Ayumu."

"If you continue like this, it won't be long before you can join the Olympic team," Ayumu chattered and followed the red haired man to the bench where the latter picked up a water bottle.

"I still have to train more before they even think about accepting me," Rin chuckled, but deep inside the warm glow of pride filled him. He was close to fulfilling his dream; after his graduation from Samezuka, he had moved to Tokyo where he had been training for two years already. Most of his attention went to swimming and improving his time and a small part was spent studying law. He had to find a job after his swimming career was over and law had appealed to him the most.

The next Olympic Games were to take place in two years and while his time had been improving during the past two years, he didn't know whether he was considered good enough already to be placed on the Olympic team. He knew he came close to the Olympic record times by now – he wasn't an idiot, he had researched those times and had set himself to beating those records – but whether his effort would be rewarded remained to be seen.

Him not making the team would at least not be because of a lack of sponsors. Every time he swam, there were at least one or two more sponsors willing to support him.

"Well, I guess you'll know soon whether you made it or not," Ayumu continued with a bright smile. "Rumour has it that the coach will be revealing the list soon."

"About time," Rin muttered and threw down the towel he had been using to pat his face dry. With the Olympic Games starting in two year, it was high time that the team members were announced.

Red eyes regarded the slightly smaller boy in front of him lazily. "Shouldn't you be working on your breaststroke?" he reminded him and had to stifle a smirk when Ayumu let out a startled squeak and almost tripped in his rush to go back to the pool.

Sneaking a glance at the large clock, which hung suspended in the air in the middle of the pool, he wondered whether he still had enough time for one last lap before he had to leave.

Before he could decide, however, his attention was pulled by Daisuke, a rather large man with dark red hair who was a year older than Rin.

"Hey, Matsuoka!" Daisuke clapped him firmly on his back. "Coach is looking for you. He said you have to meet him in his office after you've changed."

Rin blinked perplexed and stood up. "Did he say why?"

The other man shrugged. "No clue, man."

"All right, thanks." He nodded and made his way to the showers.

After quickly showering to remove the chlorine off of his body, he dried himself and changed in a dark blue tank top, loose trousers and his sports jacket with the emblem of his swimming club on the back. He hastily tied his hair together in a small ponytail, leaving a few strands to dangle out of it; his half long hair always took a bit to dry and he didn't want to make his coach wait too long.

He strode over to the office, ducking around other people who were going to the pool and knocked on the closed door.

"Come in."

His coach – a broad shouldered man of somewhere around the forties with greying hair – looked up when he opened the door and gave him a thin smile.

"Ah, Matsuoka-san. Please take a seat. We need to discuss something." Coach Takuma nodded towards the seat in front of his cluttered desk.

Rin sat down and stuck his hands between his knees, lest the coach noticed his trembling. "What do we need to discuss, coach?"

"About your place in our Olympic team."

* * *

The chilly autumn air made people around him rush to their destination. This late in the year, it became dark soon and while it was not six p.m. yet, the streetlights were already illuminating the sidewalks and streets.

His bag bumped against his thigh every other step; his hands were hidden in the pockets of his jacket while he made his way to Geidai.

When he arrived at the gate of the university, he leant against the wall and waited. He didn't have to wait long.

A dark haired, young man with blue eyes as clear as the water he was fond of exited the tall building; his hair obscuring his face as he was looking down at his bag. Another man with light purple hair walked next to him and even from his spot, Rin could hear what he was saying.

"So, what do you think, Nanase-san? The others are going as well," the man smiled excitedly and tried to catch the gaze of the other one.

"Not interested," his classmate replied curtly.

"Aw, are you sure? You can't stay cooped up in your room with only your homework, you know," the purple haired man tried again.

"Haru," Rin spoke up as soon as the two men were in hearing range.

Haruka looked up. "Rin," he murmured and without giving the other guy another glance, he immediately went over to Rin, who couldn't contain his smirk at seeing the disappointment flash across the other guy's face.

"Well, I suppose I see you next Monday," the other man muttered and with one last narrow eyed look at Rin – who simply raised his eyebrow – he left.

"Who was that?" Rin asked curiously.

"Hm?" Haruka glanced back. "Someone from my painting class. Yori or Yoshi I think."

"You don't even know his name?" Rin snorted amused and shook his head.

Haruka simply shrugged and threw the red haired man a questioning glance. "No swimming?"

Rin breathed out and raked a hand through his hair – which by now was completely dry. "No, the pool is under maintenance," he answered shortly and beckoned Haruka to follow him. "Come on, let's go home."

"All right," Haruka answered and fell into the same pace. "Whose turn to cook is it today?"

Rin mentally went through their schedule and groaned out loud. "Eugh, mine." He cursed; he wasn't really in the mood to cook something.

"I can always cook some …"

"No, that's not necessary!" Rin hastily interrupted him, ignoring the offended look. "Look, let's just get some sushi, all right?"

"Fine, but I'm getting mackerel," Haruka muttered and looked away.

Rin rolled his eyes and snorted. "As if that's still a surprise."

* * *

They were almost done eating their take out sushi when Rin broke the serene silence. "So, what was that Yori or Yoshi guy asking?"

"Something about going to a restaurant with the rest of the painting class and then going to karaoke," Haruka muttered and shrugged, taking another piece of mackerel.

"You're not interested in that?" Rin asked casually and picked a piece with salmon.

"Why would I be? They are annoying," the other one replied dryly.

"Heh, if only they could hear you." Rin shook his head.

"Oh, he knows that I think he's annoying. Just like someone else, however, he continues to pester me," Haruka replied, a trace of amusement lacing his voice.

Red eyes looked up sharply. "Hey, are you comparing me to that guy?"

Blue eyes met him in a cool gaze. "It's up to you whether you think I'm talking about you."

Irritation started to build up. "At least I'm able to get you to do something," he muttered darkly.

Haruka narrowed his eyes a bit and studied him. Feeling uncomfortable, Rin looked back at his plate and selected a piece with tuna.

"Do you have time this weekend?" Haruka asked eventually once the small table was cleared of their plates and the left over sushi was stored away in the small fridge.

"Yeah, a bit. Why?" Rin asked distracted; most of his attention was on the television which broadcasted the news.

"I need to sketch someone as an assignment for drawing. You're up for it?" Haruka asked, sitting down next to him.

"Yeah, sure, no problem. What's the assignment about?" He could feel Haruka's arm pressing against his own; Haruka's leg against his; heat burning through their clothes.

Haruka brought his legs up so that he could lean his chin on his knees; his arms clasped around his legs. "Nothing special," he murmured, but when Rin glanced at him, he noticed the rose hue dusting Haruka's pale cheeks.

"Nothing special, hm?" Rin hummed and rotated his upper body to face Haruka. His hands settled on Haruka's shoulders and he softly pushed him down, until he was lying on his back on the narrow couch.

Long, slender legs, covered in jeans, opened and created a space for Rin to settle in. Not wasting any time, the red haired swimmer promptly slid between the open legs and carefully laid down, making certain to keep his elbows out of sensitive spots.

"Rin?" Haruka murmured questioningly, but slipped his arms around Rin's neck, bringing him closer.

Rin smiled reassuringly and dropped a kiss on slack, pale lips. "Just," he breathed against warm lips, "been a while," another soft kiss, "since we last," the next kiss landed in the corner of his mouth, "had time for this." This time the kiss lingered longer, the pressure deepening until the man underneath him returned it.

Cool hands slipped underneath his tank top at the same time a tongue hesitantly peeked out, licking his lower lip.

A soft sigh escaped him when he opened his mouth to let Haruka in and they both shuddered in pleasure when the tip of their tongues met each other. While a small tongue tentatively tested out the sharpness of his teeth – as if this was their first kiss and Haruka had never tested it out before – Rin grounded his hips down, circling slowly until he felt a responding hardness pressing back.

Rin pulled back and had to smile when Haruka followed him, as if he didn't want to relinquish his mouth. His hand unzipped the blue hoodie, while Haruka pressed light kisses on his cheeks and lips, grazing against his skin.

Haruka helped him remove the hoodie and it fell carelessly on the floor with Haruka's white T-shirt following soon.

Haruka clucked his tongue annoyed and pushed the one on top of him away.

"Wha …"

Impatiently, hands tugged at his tank top and understanding the sudden bout of annoyance, the swimmer raised his arms so that the top could be removed.

"Bed?" Rin murmured against slightly swollen lips. He wasn't opposed to continuing it on the couch, but it was rather narrow and he'd rather not fall off suddenly.

He received a miniscule nod and without warning, he slid his hands underneath Haruka's bottom and hosted him up, pulling him up against his chest. His reward was an almost inaudible gasp and slim legs wrapping themselves around his waist while the arms around his neck tightened.

Their apartment wasn't large – the kitchen and living room were basically the same space, with only the bathroom and the bedroom being separate spaces – so they arrived quickly in the bedroom. Rin pushed the door close with one flailing arm and they fell on the bed, their mouths seeking each other out again.

They helped each other remove their trousers, dumping them on the floor. Rin shook his head in slight exasperation when a familiar black purple swimsuit met him.

"Seriously?"

A scowl was his answer, though slender fingers didn't stop undoing his belt and zipper. "I thought we were going to the pool," Haruka muttered petulantly and blue eyes flickered with something before he threw the belt on the floor; carelessly shoving down Rin's trousers.

"So sorry for disrupting your ritual," Rin retorted dryly and ducked down to catch Haruka's lower lip between his own to prevent the dark haired man from retorting. He really wasn't in the mood to have an argument about the pool of all things.

Haruka huffed, but kissed back; his tongue sliding across Rin's upper lip before he pulled back and let his fingers trail over Rin's chest. Thumbs flicked over his nipples and he hissed, shifting around until their hips laid flush against each other; the evidence of their arousal making them both halt for a brief moment.

Ruby red caught ocean blue before Rin bent down and licked a hot trail from a sharp collarbone to a flat stomach. He couldn't supress a grin of satisfaction when his ears caught the almost inaudible gasp when he tongued a particular sensitive spot right above his boyfriend's right hip. Haruka was as quiet in bed as he was out of it, so the swimmer relished every sound he could extract from his partner, no matter how small.

Fingers darted across the expanse of smooth skin; hands brushed over shoulders, hips, thighs and slender backs while lips pressed fleeting kisses on every place they could find. Sharp teeth bit down blossoming bruises in a pale, slender neck, nearly drawing blood to the surface. A sharp gasp was the reward before he lost contact and a mouth sucked petulantly at a spot on the inside of his thigh; his thighs were the only safe spots for such marks as they could be covered by his swimsuit during practice.

A slight twinge of disappointment flared up when he was reminded of why he couldn't have any marks on the rest of his body and he shook his head briskly, forcing himself to not think about it. At least not for tonight.

He grabbed Haruka's shoulders and pressed down on them, until the man reclined against the mattress. His eyebrow quirked, as if he was asking what Rin was going to do now, now that he had him here. A grin played around Rin's lips when he felt the dark haired man jump underneath him as he roughly yanked down the swimsuit.

"Impatient," Haruka muttered, but his own hands slipped over Rin's chest, trailing lower and pushed down his boxers.

Their remaining scraps of clothing were carelessly dropped on the floor; tomorrow Haruka would most likely make a fuss about the mess, but for tonight he was too distracted by Rin's fingers teasingly sliding up and down, coaxing a soft gasp out of Haruka.

Blue eyes – which had slipped closed somewhere between Rin touching him and kissing his neck – shot open and glared at the red haired man when he pulled back, sitting up between long, slender legs.

"Just taking the lube," Rin replied and rolled his eyes, smirking when Haruka huffed annoyed. He leant over to his nightstand and rummaged through the drawer, humming when warm hands stroked over his back and caressed his arse.

He found the bottle half hidden underneath some loose sheets of paper and he extracted it from underneath them.

"You ready?" he asked and poured some of the water based lubrication on his fingers, throwing the bottle somewhere behind him on the bed.

A black eyebrow rose up and Haruka spread his legs, slipping a pillow underneath his hips. "Been ready for a while," he quipped and ocean blue eyes glittered challengingly.

Ruby red eyed rolled in response and Rin settled himself between Haruka's raised legs; his fingers gliding between his cheeks. "If a certain someone wouldn't just throw the bottle in the nightstand, I wouldn't have to search for it," he chided in jest and before the other man could protest – and he would, judging by the petulant look in his eyes – he bent down to catch slightly bruised lips between his own. While his finger became engulfed by a soft heat, he sucked Haruka's tongue in his mouth and felt fingers digging into his shoulders, as his finger slipped deeper.

The second finger elicited a soft sound from Haruka and Rin pulled back slightly to judge whether the sound had been good or not. Going by the slightly dazed eyes, he supposed that the sound had been a good one and he smirked, diving back down to kiss his boyfriend again while he started preparing him in earnest.

Despite the fact that it had been a while since they last had made love, Haruka quickly adjusted to the intrusion; his hips making aborted thrusts against Rin's whenever the red haired man managed to hit the right spot.

When his fingers slipped free, he pulled back from the heated kiss with a sharp gasp and had the pleasure of hearing Haruka pant; blue eyes blinking rapidly at the sudden loss of his fingers.

"Can I?" Rin muttered, mouthing softly at Haruka's shoulders and pressing closer to him.

Haruka's answer was to wrap his arms around him and swing one leg around his hips. His blue eyes had darkened with arousal; the black pupils nearly overtaking the ocean blue iris'.

A last dollop of lubrication and then there was heat, blazing heat, wet softness and Haruka.

 _Only Haruka._

Haruka's body wrapped around him; his skin gliding against Rin's; his fingers dancing and tracing over moving muscles; fingertips digging into his shoulders whenever he moved _just right_ …

Bitten and bruised lips brushing against his heated and damp skin; hot breath hitting his mouth as Haruka sighed almost inaudibly when Rin pressed in closer.

The feeling of Haruka, damp skin pressing against his own. The sight of him: pale skin turning pinkish with pleasure; a rose hue dusting his sharp cheekbones; half lidded eyes hiding smouldering, dark blue eyes which were practically completely overtaken by endless black …

His scent filling Rin's nostrils, invading his entire being. A warm scent with just a hint of chlorine that wouldn't disappear no matter how many showers the dark haired artist took. The scent calling out to him; somewhere in his brain the scent was connected with _home_.

Haruka trembling in his embrace, pulsating around Rin, as soft "Ha, ha, ha," sounds escaped his mouth, filling the air between them.

Then white, all consuming white filled his vision, blocking his sight of his boyfriend and he let himself go; let himself be thrown over the edge, knowing – and trusting – that Haruka was there at the bottom to catch him.

When Rin became aware of his surroundings again, the first thing he heard was Haruka muttering, "You're heavy." A pause. "And warm. Too warm."

A surprised laugh escaped the swimmer and he carefully pulled back, dropping down on the bed next to Haruka.

"You really know how to keep the mood, huh, Haru?" he grinned and haphazardly wiped his sweaty locks out of his face.

He received an unimpressed look in return. "You're sticky," Haruka retorted with a slight frown and rose up.

Rin was quick to snatch Haruka's hand. "Where are you going?" he huffed and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm going to take a bath. I'm not going to sleep like this." Haruka looked pointedly down at his stomach, where the evidence of their lovemaking was drying.

Not releasing his hold, Rin hastily wiped his stomach with his discarded shirt. "There, clean," he said airily and threw the messy garment back on the floor. He tugged at Haruka's wrist and gave the other man a winning smile. "Can we just lie here for a while? I promise we'll take a bath soon. I just don't want to get up yet."

Blue eyes studied him intently; whatever Haruka saw in Rin's face – and the red haired man had no clue – it made him lie down again. He didn't even protest when Rin manhandled them around until they were lying on their sides, spooning each other with Rin burying his face in Haruka's neck.

"Don't think I'll forget about the bath," Haruka grumbled, a bit put out at having been denied his bath for the moment, but he fell silent when Rin just tightened his embrace, ignoring how hot and sticky their skin was.

He just needed a moment to calm down, he told himself and closed his eyes as a slender hand covered his own over Haruka's chest.

Just a moment.

Then he would be fine.

* * *

"Shit, Rin," Sousuke muttered incredulously and shook his head; a frown etched into his forehead.

The two girls seated two tables further erupted in loud laughter.

"I know," Rin mumbled numbly and stared down at his full cup of tea – which by now was completely cold. "I don't know what to do." His gaze slid from the cup to the window, as he listlessly watched how people hurried past the small café.

"Can't really help you there," Sousuke sighed and made his half empty bottle of soda spin between his large hands. "It's a shitty choice. What does Nanase say about this?"

Silence hung heavily between them as Rin refused to answer, staring stubbornly at the table as he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his cheeks prickle with the blazing heat of shame.

"For fuck's sake, Rin! You haven't even told him yet?" Sousuke whispered harshly and glared at him.

"I don't know how, okay!" Rin snapped back and his hand balled into a fist. "I don't know how to explain this – this situation." The fight left him as sudden as it had appeared and he slumped down in his chair, rubbing tiredly over his face. "I just don't know, okay? I just – I can't. Not after all the bullshit we went through to get here now."

The glare softened in his best friend's eyes and the larger man let out a sigh. "Why not tell him like you told me? Honestly, there is not really another way to talk about this."

"I know, but …" Rin trailed off, uncertain how to explain his reluctance to talk to his boyfriend about this particular issue. It wasn't like Haruka would make a scene about it.

Most likely not, anyway, he amended silently when his mind flashed back to that one particular day in the lockers when Haruka had lost his calm and had yelled at him furiously. Rin sort of had had that coming, he could admit now. He had seen how unsettled Haruka had looked and he still had berated him for his poor performance in the swimming pool.

Aside from that day, though, Haruka had never exploded like that again; not even when their next - and so far last - fierce argument had been whether to choose an apartment with a shower or a bathtub.

(Clearly Haruka had won that argument.)

He knew he had to talk to Haruka about this; time was running out and he still hadn't made his decision. He couldn't keep stalling, couldn't keep putting it off. He only had one more week before coach wanted to know his answer. A week wasn't long enough. Not by a long shot.

Thing was – he had no clue how Haruka would react. What they both would decide to do. How they would go on after this. _If_ they would be able to go on after this.

And that scared the hell out of him.

A pat on his hand brought him abruptly out of his thoughts.

"Look, I'll never be a fan of Nanase," Sousuke said softly and grimaced slightly. "But everyone can see that he cares about you a lot. Whatever makes you afraid enough to not have talked to him about it yet – that doesn't matter. You'll make the right decision. Both of you will," he added and leant back in his chair. "But you can't keep putting this off, Rin."

"I know, Sousuke," Rin groused and ran his hands through his hair frustrated. "I just … I'm not sure how Haru will react to this. This wasn't supposed to happen, damn it!"

"Wasn't supposed to, no," Sousuke agreed and his face darkened a tad. "But it happened. And now you'll have to deal with it."

"I know."

 _But I don't want to. I don't want to – can't – lose what I have now._

 _I just can't._

* * *

The faint scent of paint entered his nostrils when he stepped into their apartment and he dropped his bag on the floor, slipping his feet out of his shoes. It was Friday afternoon; his training ended early and Haruka didn't have any classes on Fridays so he usually worked on his assignments – if he wasn't holed up in the bathtub.

It seemed like today the assignment had been more important than Haruka's bathtub ritual.

His footsteps were barely audible on the floor as he slowly made his way deeper into the living room.

Haruka was sitting on a chair he had dragged from the kitchen in front of the window. The sunlight cast a soft glow around him as he diligently worked on his painting. The brush made soft swishing sounds on the canvas, clearly audible in the otherwise silent room. The canvas was already half way filled with a depiction of a beach; the ocean was only just starting to take form on the painting.

Having learnt early on that the dark haired man did not appreciate being touched at all when he was painting, Rin hovered next to the couch, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to gather his courage to start this particular conversation.

 _Come on, just like ripping off a band aid_ , he encouraged himself and grimaced. As if that was fun doing.

"Haru?" he questioned hesitatingly and held his breath when Haruka turned around; his blue eyes instantly zooming in on him.

"Rin." He nodded and lowered his brush, cocking his head to the left. "Something you need?"

"It's … Do you have some time? There's something I need to talk about with you," Rin replied apprehensively and tried to ignore the nausea creeping up slowly. He was starting to feel uncomfortably warm and he plucked annoyed at his shirt.

A look of surprise crossed Haruka's face before he inclined his head and stepped away from his canvas, turning it carefully around, so that it faced the wall. "Sure, just give me a moment to clean my brush."

Feeling quite jittery, Rin plopped down on the couch, tapping his fingers nervously on the arm of the couch.

This was it then. Next Monday he would be able to give the coach his definite answer – what that answer would be, though, was still unknown. The feeling of nausea grew and he shifted uncomfortably, wondering once again why the hell he even needed to have this conversation in the first place.

Why did his biggest potential supporter have to be so –

"Rin, you okay?" Haruka furrowed his eyebrows as he sank down next to him, handing him a cold bottle of water. His own bottle was already unscrewed. "You don't look so well." His forehead wrinkled in concern.

A feeble smile trembled around Rin's lips and he let out a sigh; his hands clenched around the plastic bottle. "I'm fine," he muttered and glanced at the other man.

Haruka looked decidedly unimpressed and leant back, bringing one foot up on the couch. "Did something happen during training?" he continued, not taking Rin's answer at face value.

"No, training went fine," Rin mumbled and rubbed over his mouth. His mind was a mess and he was ready to throw up, but he forced himself to take a deep breath and continued, "Actually – the coach called me up to his office a week ago."

If he hadn't Haruka's complete attention before, he certainly had it now. The dark haired man sat up straight and gazed at him intently. "Why?"

"He, eh, there's this company – you've probably heard of it – Quick Diver?" Rin started and Haruka nodded silently, recognition flaring up in his eyes.

To be honest, Rin would have been shocked if Haruka hadn't heard of the company. The company sold mainly sport articles like clothing and equipment and their biggest investment was swimming equipment. It was quite famous and a lot of swimmers – the ones taking swimming seriously anyway – would do anything to get their hands on even something as simple as a pair of goggles of Quick Diver. Unfortunately their fame – and quality – came with quite the hefty price tag.

"Well, Quick Diver contacted the coach." Rin paused for a moment in an attempt to order his thoughts, but it was useless. There was no good way to break the news. "And they offered to sponsor me if I attend the Olympics. Coach told them that I was already put on his list, but you know, having them sponsor me would be a huge deal." He laughed nervously and rubbed over his arm. "You know contracts and getting my name out there and such."

The sick feeling intensified.

"That's great, Rin! So that means you're going to the Olympics then?" Haruka asked and his eyes sparked with excitement; long, slender fingers reached out and squeezed Rin's wrist gently. He might have decided that professional swimming was not his calling – and Rin would forever think that was a shame, because Haruka was full of potential – but he had always supported Rin in his dream.

"Yes," Rin answered slowly; panic stirred in him as he tried to figure out how to breach the real issue with this particular offer. He really should be elated at knowing that the Olympics were so close in his reach, at the realisation that an influential company as Quick Diver considered him good enough to sponsor, but …

"But?" Haruka frowned, visibly confused at the lack of enthusiasm on Rin's part. "This is good, right? You have a big sponsor and you'll be going to the Olympics. Isn't that what you have been working so hard for?"

Sharp teeth dug in vulnerable flesh and he barely registered the quick flare up of pain nor the faint taste of blood coating his lip. "Thing is … Haru, Quick Diver is really – traditional."

"Traditional in what way?" Haruka questioned slowly and he stilled. He seemed to have picked up that something was not right.

"They are … They aren't in favour of homosexual couples," Rin brought out and he discovered it was hard to keep looking at Haruka's face as he continued, "They … They don't know that I'm gay, but – but they must have heard something, because …"

"Because what, Rin?" Haruka asked flatly after a moment of tense silence had passed. He was completely motionless now; his face as blank as the canvasses still stored in their bedroom, waiting to be used.

"They … basically told coach that they aren't planning on sponsoring any swimmer who goes against their values," he answered and something seemed to block his throat, making it difficult for him to bring out the words. He could feel tears of frustration pricking behind his eyes when he went on, "Coach – coach said that if I accept their sponsoring, I would have to …"

Somewhere outside the sound of children laughing freely danced through the open window.

"I would have to break up with you."

His wrist felt inexplicably cold when those warm fingers slipped off.

"Haru, I …" Rin snapped his mouth shut when Haruka raised a hand in the air.

His eyes were completely shuttered close as he spoke, "So it's either the Olympics or us?" His tone was completely flat, not giving away anything of the thoughts brewing in his mind.

"I – not exactly, I suppose. I'll still be on the list, but – "

"But your career would go better with them as your sponsor," Haruka finished for him and sighed softly. He pulled both legs on the couch and wrapped his arms around them, leaning with his chin on his knees. Ocean blue eyes stared blankly at the red haired swimmer. "What do you want to do?"

"I …" Rin turned away, shame filling him.

He wanted to reassure Haruka that of course he chose their relationship, but a small part of him – the part that had reminded him through the tough times why he spent so much time training – held him back.

This was his chance to fulfil his dream. With the sponsoring of Quick Diver, he had the ticket to the Olympics practically in his hands. Their sponsoring would open up more doors for him, more opportunities to fulfil his dream as a professional swimmer. He would be set _for the rest of his career._

But the cost was his relationship with Haruka. Haruka, the only one he would ever consider as a worthy rival in the water. Haruka, the one who hadn't given up on him and had dragged him back into the light when everything had threatened to drown him. Haruka, who had willingly given up on following Makoto to Kyoto University in favour of moving in with Rin in Tokyo – and Rin knew all too well how hard that separation had been on the blue eyed man in the beginning. Haruka, who knew how to handle Rin's fiery temper and who despite how shitty Rin had behaved towards him at times, still was there for him in the end.

Haruka, who he loved with such an immense capacity that it frightened him at times.

Haruka was his everything, his light, so why the hell couldn't he immediately say that he would choose their relationship? What did it say about him that he hesitated even with that vile condition that he had been given?

The silence that now hung between them had never felt so heavy before.

"You should do what is best, Rin."

"But I don't – "

A sad smile. A squeeze in his hand.

And then it was over.

* * *

The path towards the pool building seemed endless; Rin wondered whether it had always been that long or whether someone had suddenly decided to make it longer last weekend.

That might explain a lot.

Tightening his grip around the strap of his bag, he tilted his head back and looked at the large windows glinting in the sunlight.

His head felt heavy, stuffed, as if someone had been pushing cotton balls in it. His eyes felt gritty and he knew that if he looked into a mirror now he would look like shit.

 _He felt like shit._

Had felt like it ever since the door of his old apartment had swung gently shut behind him. He thought that had made it even worse. Haruka shouldn't have been so understanding. Shouldn't have insisted that Rin followed his dream, that he would wait for him.

" _You've been training for the Olympics for so long, Rin. This is your chance."_

" _But I don't want to break up!"_

 _Blue eyes softened a fraction. "I don't want to do that either, Rin, but if this is your chance to fulfil your dream?" Haruka shrugged, but Rin knew him well enough to detect the stiffness in the gesture. "I'm not going to stop you from fulfilling it."_

" _I can always try again later," Rin insisted and gripped Haruka's hand tightly, not wanting to let go. If he let go now, he was sure he would lose him completely._

" _You could," Haruka agreed and a bitter smile graced his features. "But it wouldn't be fair to make you choose, Rin. I'm not going to make you choose." He stood up, retracting his hand from Rin's tight, clammy grip. "I'm not going anywhere, Rin. But if you don't do this, you're going to regret this."_

 _The unspoken "You're going to regret choosing me over your dream." lingered long after Haruka had retreated into the bedroom._

They could pick up again after Rin ended his career.

But when would that be? Sure, a swimmer's career didn't last his entire life, but Rin was still too young to even think of retiring as a swimmer.

Would Haruka even still be waiting for him after all that time? Or would he realise that he was better off without someone who chose their career over their own partner?

The feeling of self-loathing grew and he squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing harshly. He still could hardly believe what he had done. Couldn't believe he was actually doing this. He had never hated himself as much as he did now.

But he had made his bed and now he had to lie in it.

His feet brought him slowly to the entrance. Inside coach was waiting for his answer.

After today he would be an official member of the Olympics. He would have the chance to swim in the Olympic swimming pool and fulfil his dream there. He would be able to prove himself, show the world what he was made of.

After all those years of training, his dream was finally in reach.

All it had cost him was his heart.

Were the Olympics really worth it?

Coach Takuma looked up from his paperwork when Rin knocked on the open door. His eyes lightened up and he closed the file he had been working on, leaning back into his chair.

"Ah, Matsuoka-san, have you made your decision? Quick Diver is waiting to sign the contract with you."

Rin took a deep breath and something in him unfurled. "Yes, I have."

* * *

The colour of the ocean stared right back at him and the owner of those gorgeous eyes looked taken aback.

"Rin? What are you - "

"I told coach I'm not going to sign the contract with Quick Diver," Rin blurted out, still slightly panting. He had run back as quickly as he could; exhilaration and adrenaline propelling him forwards.

There was only one place he wanted to be at and it wasn't the swimming pool – not even the Olympic one.

"What? But you - "

Haruka was cut off by a pair of firm lips.

"My dream isn't worth shit if I don't have you to share it with me," Rin said and slipped his arms around Haruka's waist, feeling giddy when the other man didn't push him away. "They can shove their contract up their arse. I don't need their sponsoring to get to the Olympics. I can do it on my own. I've been such an idiot, Haru. Can you forgive me?"

Haruka snorted and a tiny smile of amusement danced around his lips. "Not the first time you've acted like an idiot," he teased and chuckled when Rin growled. He cocked his head slightly to the left; his eyes shining mischievously. "Come on. Fancy being my model? Not as prestigious as posing for an Olympic article, but …"

The next moment peals of laughter escaped Haruka as he tried to squirm away from Rin's tickling fingers.

He had missed that sound. Fuck, how had he ever hesitated between Haruka and his career? His career meant nothing to him if Haruka wasn't there with him.

He would have to deal with coach's ire tomorrow. He was probably already kicked off the list by now. It would probably take him even longer now to even have a chance at getting a spot at the Olympics.

But, as he looked into glittering blue eyes, he didn't regret refusing Quick Diver's offer.

His real dream was standing right in front of him, welcoming him back.

And he would make damn sure to treasure this dream even more than before.

Because Haruka was worth more than any fame he could gather at a sporting event.

He was worth everything.

* * *

 **AN2: I hope you'll like it. It's probably a bit noticeable that I had to finish this last night *winces***

 **Should there be mistakes left behind, please point them out to me.**

 **Cuddles**

 **Melissa**


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